Why Do My Spouse and I Argue About Money

A main reason why couples argue about money is because of their own personal biases and how they learned to view money through their own experiences. We call it the money mind. Sometimes it can be hard to communicate with others about this subject, even to loved ones. Here at Shelton Financial Group, we want to figure out both spouse’s money language and get the two parties to understand each other.

Money Mind

One thing about the money mind tool is that it really helps the two understand each other and there is less tension when discussing money. Matt Fry says, “We are trying to bridge the gap between the two different experiences of a couple with the money mind tool.”

Let’s take a deeper dive into the money mind tool. There are three types of money minds; fear, commitment, and happiness. No matter the money mind type you are, there are none that are right and none that are wrong. In fact, you probably have some attributes of all three, but overall, we see that you do have a primary money mind. Keep in mind, your money mind can change over time. If you are unsure which money mind you are and would like to take the quiz, click here!

Fear Money Mind

The most common type of money mind is fear and this one represents about 60-70% of people. The primary concern for those in this group is that they never have enough money or are going to run out of money. Also, those in this category tend to work longer in situations when they do not need to. They do not like uncertainty and are always mindful of scenarios that could potentially happen, but usually never do. At Shelton Financial Group, we call those “Black Swan Events”.

Commitment Money Mind

The next type of money is the commitment money mind, and this type is about 20% of people. Those that fall into this group are focused on giving and supporting other people or organizations that are important to them. They often put other people’s needs before their own. There are more factors for them to consider than just finances. Those that are classified in this money mind feel like they are a burden when they need financial support. For example, they would feel guilty about having a trip to the hospital and their loved one spending money on the hospital expense.

Happiness Money Mind

Then the last 10% of people are the happiness money mind. This group are not spendthrifts. Rather, they just focus on enjoying things that matter most to them here and now. Their outlook on life is, “We will deal with the future when it gets here.” They don’t want to miss out on anything since they have the resources and health now.

Saver vs. Spender

Typically, in this money situation, we have the saver, and we have the spender. The saver is cautious about their spending habits and methodical about their financial decisions. They focus on saving a dollar rather than spending a dollar and are keen on buying the needs rather than the wants.

While the spender is one that enjoys shopping, going out for food, etc. They would rather spend their cash on items that they may not necessarily need. Those here are likely that 10% that make up the happiness money mind.

That is why reaching out to a Financial Advisor is helpful for both parties. Al Lindsten says, “We need to come to an agreement and create a plan for decisions moving forward. We need to look at what you are spending.” We need to look at what you have coming in as income, and what you have going out as expenses. There needs to be a good balance between the spouses. The end goal would be for the two parties to come to common ground while being financially comfortable with each other.

What is the Outcome of Understanding Each Other?

There is clearer communication between the two, and they can express themselves confidently. Have you ever heard your spouse say, “I have never heard you say that?” This is a common phrase that we tend to hear when we meet with couples to talk about their money dispute. As someone who has dealt with couples with this discussion, Matt Fry says, “It can be a bit of a struggle in the beginning, but we are all on the same team with the same goal.”

You and your spouse are a team. Understanding each other’s money language will build a stronger relationship for the two of you. Although there will still be times where you two disagree, the road to getting a final answer becomes easier. The objective for us as Financial Advisors is to create that common language. Schedule an appointment with us today or give us a call at 260-436-7006 if you have any questions.